Nothing Without You
by Truly123
Summary: "Had I brought up the subject in a more mature manner, what would you have done?" Lucy proposed, her eyebrow arched. Mina glanced down at her hands, biting her lip, unsure what to say. "Ah, see? You would have reacted the exact same. There is no happy ending here, Mina, not for me at least." Lucy/Mina, R
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: New to this fandom after watching the NBC show and I've grown to adore Lucy and Mina. Screw Jonathon and Grayson, Mina belongs with Lucy. Duh. Anyways, this takes place right after episode 6 (I think that's the one), so if you haven't watched it, you should. It's heartbreaking/amazing. **

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Dracula, but thanks to Bram Stoker and those at NBC for creating such intriguing characters and plotlines. But, no thanks if Lucy and Mina don't end up together... (I'm not bitter, I promise). **

**Enjoy! R&R!**

* * *

Tucked in the corner of her large bedroom, Lucy Westenra sat in her bay window, staring aimlessly out the window. It had been four days since she attempted telling Mina her true feelings. Four agonizingly painful days.

Rain trickled down the window, collecting on the ledge outside. Lucy gazed, tracing the winding pattern of water as it paced down the glass. Outside, enormous deep grey clouds crowded the sky, rumbling and brightening her otherwise dim room with lightening. Despite the cold and the downpour, people went about as usual on the busy London streets. Lucy kept her fingertips on the window, her other hand clasped around a small glass tumbler, filled with expensive whiskey she took from her father's study. Luckily, he hadn't noticed.

Her mother however, had noticed. She would enter Lucy's room cautiously, checking on the heartbroken girl once or twice a day, but giving her room to grieve. What she was ignorant to was whom Lucy was grieving over. The blonde would never speak of her feelings aloud again. She couldn't. It hurt to even think of them, and it burned that they still existed. Her mother never chastised Lucy for liking a drink, but the blonde did her best to hide it anyway.

She tipped the glass to her lips, letting the warm, strong liquid wash over her tongue and flow down her throat. Sighing, she let the last few days run through her mind. The first day, the day Lucy confessed her emotions to Mina, she rushed home. She ran for blocks, not stopping once to catch her breath or wipe her tears. She ignored her maids' calls while bounding up the stairs, desperate to hide herself beneath the covers of her bed. Letting herself go, Lucy's body wracked with sobs the remainder of the day. Her maids came in and out, offering their services, but what help could they be? Her mother and father also expressed their concern. Lucy brushed them off, claiming she felt ill, nothing more and needed rest and silence. Mrs. Westenra was certain her tears were over Alastair, the young, rich fencer that courted Lucy. But, Lucy knew the truth. And the truth was quite simple... She loved Mina, more than she ever expected to.

Lucy took another sip, thankful she had gotten all her tears out that day and night for the next morning she declared a promise to herself: she would begin the difficult journey of detaching herself from Mina. It would be difficult, perhaps impossible, but she was determined to do it simply for the fact that Mina would very unlikely every want anything to do with Lucy again. It was that thought that broke her heart in two the first day.

The second day, Lucy laid in bed the entire day. She didn't eat, she didn't bathe, she didn't leave her room. She slept on and off, physically exhausted from her crying spell the day before. Her sleep was not peaceful, but full of awful dreams. Dreams of Mina yelling hurtful things. Dreams of Lady Wetherby laughing in her face, Jonathon glaring at her, holding Mina tight to him, the entire town spewing distasteful words in her direction. Perhaps they weren't dreams, but a foresight in what was to come.

The third day was the day she woke up and sought her father's whiskey. She ignored her maids, who repeatedly asked her if they should call upon a physician. She groaned in disgust, finding it very unlikely she would ever hear the word 'physician' again without feeling an ache in her chest. Her favorite maid, Marie, brought her lunch despite her aversion to food. A few hours later, and many drinks in, Lucy staggered over to her bedside table and picked at the fruit. She ate a few slices of apples, a bunch of grapes, and two orange wedges before the sweetness overwhelmed her. She didn't want to feel sweetness at all.

Today, the fourth day, was similar to yesterday. She had already been drinking, forcing herself to eat the slices of toast and jam Marie brought in. She had yet to see her mother, thankful her mother was finally giving her the solitude she needed. The old woman had been hovering at a distance, Lucy hearing Alastair's name through the walls. Somewhere between the second and third day of grief, a bouquet of peonies was sent over and a note attached to the vase. Her heart skipped a beat, thinking it was from Mina, the brunette knew how her best friend adored fresh peonies.

_"My Dearest Lucy, I cannot begin to fully express my sorrow for losing you. I am willing to do whatever it takes to regain your trust and care. There is no other like you, my love. I hope you can find it in your sweet heart to forgive for any disappointment I have instilled. I must go to tournament this upcoming weekend, and when I return, if you could give me your company for one evening, I would be ever so privileged. Yours always, Alastair." _

The peonies ended up over the balcony, smashing dramatically to the ground in the parlor, the note torn to pieces.

Lucy pressed her fingers into the window once more, the chilled glass a familiar feeling she felt in her heart. Actually, as each moment passed, or perhaps as each drink passed, Lucy descended further into a numbing state. Her mind grew blanker, more foggy, as if her consciousness was attempting to flush out the memory of her love for Mina. She allowed it, guiding it with the aid of her favorite liquor. She refilled her glass, the decanter on the floor next to her. She didn't bat an eye, when she heard a faint knock on the front door downstairs, she merely took another sip, returning to her pastime of tracing the rain.

* * *

Mina Murray nervously bounced on the heels of her feet while she waited at the front door of the Westenra household. She was shivering from the cold rain, her teeth chattering as she tried to think of the words she wanted to express to Lucy. She hadn't seen her friend in the last four days, by far the longest the twosome had ever gone without speaking.

Lucy's confession was so many things. It was contradictory. On one hand, Mina was shocked. On the other, the more she thought about it, the less surprising it became. Each day, she grew more disturbed by how oblivious she had been. Her heart broke for Lucy, unable to imagine how her friend must feel. And unable to further imagine how she could repair the damage that had been done. Mina cursed herself for treating Lucy the ways she did. She was harsh, and unkind. It was not like Lucy had treated her horribly, or crudely. Lucy had confessed her crush in such a desperate and loving way, and Mina just pushed her away out of fear, uncertainty, and shock. Mina had accused her of having ulterior motives, falsely interpreting Lucy's intentions as dark and perverse. She hated that she had reacted the way she did. She should have been more understanding, or try to be understanding. Lucy had never showed Mina anything more than love and caring, and she had acted so wickedly toward her longtime companion.

Mina rapped on the door again, hoping Lucy was here. Marie the maid opened the door carefully, ushering Mina in immediately once she recognized her. Just as Marie was taking Mina's coat, Mrs. Westenra entered the parlor, a relieving sigh escaping her. "Oh, thank the heavens, Mina, you're here," the older woman exhaled dramatically. "I don't know what to do with her. She won't eat, she won't speak. Alastair sent her this gorgeous bouquet of peonies with sweet note and she rejected them."

It took Mina a second to realize what Mrs. Westenra was hinting towards. "Al-Alastair?" She asked for clarification, thanking Marie for taking her coat. She tried to hide her nervousness by rubbing her hands up and down her arms in an exaggerated attempt to warm up.

Mrs. Westenra knit her brow tightly, her fingers resting upon her chin. "He's been courting Lucy for weeks. She told me days ago they quarreled, that he would no longer be calling on her."

Mina swallowed dryly. Her eyes were fixated on the second story hallway, darting between Lucy's door and Mrs. Westenra's fatigued expression. "Days ago?"

The older woman nodded, tapping her chin with her finger. "Yes, mhmm, about four, no maybe five days ago? Regardless, she's been in a fit ever since. I'm so grateful you're here. Where have you been? Planning your wedding, I presume?" Mrs. Westenra's features brightened at the thought of Mina's engagement, secretly wondering when Lucy's time would come.

Mina couldn't remove her eyes from the door, "No, uhm, I've been at University, may I go up?"

Mrs. Westenra shot Mina a concerned look, "Of course, dear. I insist," she paused, grabbing Mina's free hands. "I'm uncertain what has come over my daughter. Heartbreak, illness, depression... please just fix her." She released the younger woman's hands, beginning to walk away but turned to face Mina before exiting the parlor. "If she doesn't improve within a few days, I'm afraid she may require... professional help. I just pray that dear boy Alastair come to his senses soon; Lucy is such a wonderful and brilliant child. I admit she can be stubborn, but she deserves happiness," Mrs. Westenra said through a sad smile as she drifted into the adjacent library.

A twisting feeling formed in Mina's stomach at the words spoken by Mrs. Westenra. She was right, Lucy did deserve happiness, and in someway Mina wished she could give her that happiness as she stepped up the stairs. She approached Lucy's door carefully, as if she were coming across a wild lion in the jungle. She rest her head a moment on the wooden door, cursing herself to stop trembling. After a moment, she gained the courage to knock.

_Tap-tap. _No answer. _Tap-tap-tap. _Silence. She took a big breath before twisting the brass knob, using her free hand to gently guide the door open, peeking cautiously inside as she did. She saw Lucy perched in the bay window, staring out, a glass of brown liquid in her hand and a half empty decanter on the carpeted floor. She felt a lump develop in her throat at the sight.

Lucy's bed was a complete disarray, as was most of her room. The blonde wore a robe over what Mina presumed to be her nightgown, her golden waves carelessly flowing over her shoulders. Her room smelled of old fruit, stale bread and alcohol. Mina stepped closer, lightly, unsure of how to disturb Lucy and wondering if coming here was a good idea in the first place.

"I ate the toast, I don't want anymore, so please take the tray and tell my mother to stop sending you," Lucy said absentmindedly, downing another taste of liquor, ignoring whom she assumed was Marie with a lunch tray.

Mina's breath caught in her throat as she opened her mouth to speak, she stuttered, unable to find words. "Uh, it-it-it's-"

Lucy snapped her head around, anger in her eyes, surely driven further with alcohol coursing through her veins. "It's _what_? Just take the tra-" Lucy stopped mid-sentence, dumbstruck.

"It's me," Mina said softly, her hands still holding her arms. She wanted to say more, begin her tiered apology, but seeing Lucy's face was a blow to her heart. The blonde sported newly developed darkened circles underneath her normally bright blue eyes that now appeared to be a dull grey. Her cheek and collar bones were more prominent than usual, suggesting her lack of appetite. Her skin paled, her formerly shiny hair now ashen and unkempt. "Oh, Lucy," Mina finally managed to gasp out.

Glaring, and trying to hold back the tears she thought had long dried up, Lucy shook her head, scoffing. "Do not look at me like that, I do not need nor will I tolerate your pity. You need to leave-"

"Lucy, darling, please," Mina urged gently, enclosing apprehensively. Lucy ignored her, returning to her former position toward the window, her thumbs rubbing her glass anxiously. "Please, let me speak to you about... the other day."

"I shan't speak of that day ever again, do you understand?" Lucy sneered, an internal battle of sadness and anger dominating her heart. "It is incredibly stupid for you to be here-"

"Stupid?" Mina questioned, offended. "I'm trying to-"

Lucy shot back the rest of her drink, Mina close enough to smell the alcohol radiating from the blonde. "Trying to what? Mend the pathetic scraps that remain of this friendship? Save it, Mina, spare me your words. Take them and leave, there is nothing to mend here." Lucy meant to say the words cruelly, but Mina heard the break in her voice as she spoke assertively.

Mina couldn't help it, her lip quivered at the thought of losing Lucy forever. "I wanted to apologize for how I reacted, I was harsh, but just... surprised, you must understand, Lucy."

Placing her glass next to the decanter, Lucy stood and retreated to the other window, running a trembling hand through her hair. She had a very certain feeling Mina wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. "I understand," she forced herself to say, "And, for that, you must go. I cannot bear to look at you."

The brunette held back a choked cry, Lucy's words full of pain and sincerity. "You may understand, but I do not. Please, let me understand. Let me help you-"

"Help?" Lucy spat, narrowing her eyes at Mina. "I do not need your help. There is nothing here for you, I am nothing, nothing to you! I shall not stand here and beg for your understanding or forgiveness when it no longer matters. I will not fight for your friendship, for the only thing you could possibly understand is that things will never be the same between us. No matter how either of us wish it so."

"How can you be so hostile with me? You've lied to me, betrayed me!" Mina spat back, feeling a fiery anguish build inside her.

"Betray- you cannot possibly be serious," Lucy scoffed. "I withheld the truth to protect myself! I knew you could never feel the same way, so I tried to push my feelings away. You could never fully comprehend how difficult this has been for me, you're too distracted with your studies and Harker."

"You never gave me the opportunity!"

"Oh, really? And, had I brought up the subject in a more mature manner, what would you have done?" Lucy proposed, her eyebrow arched. Mina glanced down at her hands, biting her lip, unsure what to say. "Ah, see? You would have reacted the exact same. There is no happy ending here, Mina, not for me at least."

It was all Mina could take. She let her tears spill onto her cheeks, sinking to the ground, her skirts fanning out around her. She was so extremely frustrated with the entire situation. Mina hated how Lucy had kept this secret from her, but did understand the reason behind it. Lucy was right, what would have Mina done if Lucy had sat her down and confessed her love in a calm manner? It's not like she would have returned the love, not in the way that Lucy desired. Mina grasped the complexity and discomfort of their predicament, but she was desperate to maintain their friendship.

She buried her face into her hands, her muscles tensing with every cry. "I can mend this, let me mend this," Mina pleaded, peering up when she saw Lucy slowly sit a few feet from her. She hadn't heard it, but Lucy began crying as well. "Whatever it takes, Lucy, dear. Anything, I'll give you anything, for I cannot bear the thought of living without you."

Lucy wiped her tears with the edge of her robe sleeve, her chest tight and heart breaking all over again. She almost laughed lightly, "Dearest Mina, you cannot give me what I want, and that is my headache. Not yours. I was unfair to place you in this position, and I deeply regret it. I never meant for it to happen, Mina, you must know that-"

Mina only nodded in response, wanting to reach out and hold Lucy, but uncertain how the blonde would react. Mina knew it would be uncomfortable for a while between them, but she was sure they could work things out.

It practically tore Lucy in half speaking the next sentence. "I think it best for us to go our separate ways-"

"No!" Mina raised her voice, suddenly angry over the serious tone of Lucy's voice. "No, you do not get to decide to unravel our friendship. That is not fair!"

"_Fair_?" Lucy said louder, "Fair? HA! What isn't _fair_ is watching Harker treat you like a delicate little flower, shaping you to be his perfect little housewife, pretending to support you, when _I_ have always supported your dreams wholeheartedly, Mina. Always. I have fostered your independence, encouraged you and loved you for years. It is _unfair_ for me to plan this wedding, to sit and watch you chase after marriage to Harker while I pine for you from a distance! _That_ is truly unfair!" Lucy's chest was heaving from her speaking so quickly. She was growing more enraged with the entire situation. She hated Harker for having Mina. She hated that Mina would never love her back. But, more so, she hated herself.

"I'm so sorry, Lucy, I'm truly, deeply sorry," Mina whimpered, putting forth a tentative fingers, searching for Lucy's hand. Lucy crossed her arms defensively, more tears spilling from her eyes. "I cannot let our friendship go, Lucy. I won't."

"Mina, darling, I do not wish to hurt you so, but I cannot pretend anymore, not when you know now... Continuing this," Lucy motioned between them, "will hurt both of us far too much."

Mina sat quietly for a moment, her hands fiddling with the hem on her skirt, her eyes drawn to the elaborate beading. "Do you remember when we went to France? The entire month before we left, you were desperate for Belgian chocolate, even though you dislike most chocolate. But, you said it would be the best chocolate in the entire world and we waited until we arrived in France to taste it. We bought some at the little cafe across the street from the hotel, and after eating it, you said it wasn't very good at all. Have you eaten Belgian chocolate since?"

Lucy shifted uncomfortably, completely unsure why Mina was bringing up Belgian chocolate. "N-no?"

"You said it was bitter, too rich and dark. But after tasting it, that was it. That was all you needed, just to try it once and realize it wasn't what you wanted or even expected after all," Mina moved closer, her skirt meeting the edge of Lucy's robe.

Lucy's tears had dried, and she was growing frustrating with Mina's chocolate story. She was ready for another drink. "Mina, dear, what does my dislike for the Belgian's chocolate have to do with anything?"

Mina reached and forced Lucy to hold her hand. Her cheeks were sticky from drying tears, her nose and chest flustered and pink. "To mend us... If you try me, you will realized I'm not really what you want."

Lucy's eyes grew big, in disbelief. "I cannot believe you. I am not a joke, Mina. I will not be mocked-"

"I'm not mocking you!" Mina defended.

"You can't possibly believe in that brilliant brain of yours that somehow being with you could make this problem go away, could you? Do you not remember I tried to kiss you days ago! How did that turn out?! Did I suddenly realize how stupid I've been to think you could ever love me the way I love you? I came home and professed my feelings to Alastair, shouting from the rooftops that I've been magically healed of my abnormality?" Lucy said sarcastically, completely offended.

"You're not abnormal," Mina corrected, closing in on Lucy's personal space. "Please, we've got nothing more to lose, darling. I don't care of awkwardness between us, because not having you in my life would certainly be worse." Lucy only rolled her eyes, feeling the tears start to well in her lids. "If you kiss me, just once, you'll see."

Lucy felt a single tear run down her cheek and slipping from her jaw, landing on her chest. She had a sadly sweet smile on her face, an involuntary and silent 'thank you' to Mina's generous offer. However, she knew better. "Darling, I'm almost too certain if I kiss you once, I'll want to do it again and again," Lucy said, laughing lightly.

Mina's shoulder slumped at the rejection. For a tenth of a second, she felt dejected by Lucy's refusal, and wondered if that was how Lucy was feeling, only in a greater magnitude. "I hate to see you hurting so deeply, and I hate even more that I am the cause of your pain," the brunette whimpered out.

Lucy leaned back on her arms, staring at the window, uncaring whether her tears flowed freely. There was no point in hiding her tears, for Mina too had trickles of water dancing on her perfectly pink cheeks. "I will admit, it is a rather strange contradiction... you bring me such joy, yet, cause such a terrible feelings of sadness, pain, anguish... rejection-"

The brunette let out a choking sob, "Oh, Lucy! Do not tell me such things! I'm such an awful monster already, destroying my best friend's heart-"

"They say 'time heals all wounds', perhaps I just need time... a rather long period of time," Lucy added, sniffling and forcing a tight smile. Mina's lip quivered. She hesitated for a moment before clumsily crawling to Lucy's side and gripping her around the waist tightly, crying into the crook of the blonde's neck. She trembled in Lucy's grip when the blonde pushed her back by her shoulders. "Mina, please, don't. I can't bear it."

"So, what? I'm supposed to never touch you again?" Mina whined. Holding Lucy was the only way she knew how to comfort her, yet she was being denied.

"And you think I do not want to touch you? I always want to touch you!" Lucy spat, quickly realizing how inappropriate it sounded by the startled look in Mina's eyes. "No, I did not mean for it to sound that way. I just- I meant, how everything was before- dancing, dressing... sleeping together, I-I-I," Lucy stuttered, unsure how to speak without making her intentions sound sensual in nature. She exhaled sharply, opening her mouth to speak, Mina cutting her off instead.

"I understand what you're trying to say," Mina said calmy, a sincerity behind her eyes. "And the other day, when I said that about us being together... I didn't mean to make you feel or sound perverse... That was wrong of me."

"Mina, I would never do anything, again," Lucy said sadly, wondering if she should have agreed to Mina's kissing proposal mere moments before. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to be sorry."

"I should be," Lucy corrected. Mina sat in front of her, their knees touching and the brunette gradually slipping her fingers between the blonde's.

Mina sighed frustratingly, "Sorry for what? For supporting me? Protecting me? Sorry for loving me? No, darling, don't be sorry for that. Be sorry for keeping it from me, although I understand your hesitations. That is what upset me most-"

Lucy's mouth dropped slightly, allowing her fingers to intertwine with her friend's. "I am sorry for ruining our friendship," she uttered softly.

The brunette's lips turned downward at the statement. "It will only ruin our friendship if we let it."

"How could you possibly accept my abnormality? How could you bear this great secret?"

Mina took a stronger grip of the blonde's hands, staring into Lucy's eyes so genuinely it almost made Lucy fall in love all over again. "Lucy, I may not love you in the way that you wish... But, I do love you. You are the furthest from abnormal to me, and most certainly would never reveal your secret. Not to anyone, not even Jonathon... Well, especially not Jonathon. You deserve an abundance of happiness, and I... I wish I could give it you, genuinely, but, I can't. And I am sorry for that. I'm sorry you've suffered so unnoticed," Mina paused, wiping a tear from her own eyes. "So, can we please try to repair the damage we've done?"

Lucy swallowed thickly. It was really the first inclination Mina had given that she never would have feelings for Lucy and it burned. It melted her insides and she could feel it pool to the bottom of what was left of her heart. "I'll do my best, however, I would still like a little time to myself. Just for a bit until I can... get a hold of my emotions."

The brunette didn't believe Lucy. She was still afraid Lucy wanted to cut her out of her life, and was unsure if Lucy was confident in her words. "Lucy, I love you, you are aware of that, yes?"

Lucy gathered her nightgown and robe in her hands, burrowing her face into them as she brought her knees to her chest. "Please, don't say those words to me, not when they don't mean what I want them to. It's too hard for me, Mina. They're better left unsaid-"

Mina placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, regretting making things harder for her friend. "I won't say them until you want me to," she added softly. "Just know that I do, and I always will."

Nodding in her hands, Lucy sniffled and shivered. She tensed when she felt Mina get closer, the brunette hesitant to physically comfort Lucy. The blonde felt Mina's unsure hands as they wrapped gently around her shoulders in an awkward hug. Lucy stiffened at the contact, wishing she would stop crying. She hated crying. She allowed her head to rest on Mina's shoulder, her tears dripping off her cheeks and nose onto the blue dress of her friend. Mina pulled her closer, one hand carefully swaddling the head of blonde hair, the other moving softly up and down Lucy's back.

Lucy was whimpering at the contact. It was both pleasant and bitter at the same time. She knew things between them were going to be different, but she always cherished the physicality of their relationship. And, not in a sexually charged manner. She enjoyed the sense of contentment when she was in Mina's arms, the feelings of love and safety. So, knowing the physical aspect of their relationship would perish the most, Lucy allowed herself to grip onto the back of Mina's gown, holding her for what she presumed would be the last time.

After a few more minutes, Lucy's eyes dried and she forced herself from Mina's hold. Even after crying, Mina looked so lovely. Her cheeks were rose-colored and trails of dried tears were visible. Her lips were pink and swollen from the constant worrying on them. And her eyes, her beautiful eyes, shone sadly surrounded by their dampened lashes. "I'll be fine," Lucy whispered at last, forcing a small smile.

Mina's lip quivered as she spoke, "Whatever you need from me, just ask."

Lucy couldn't help but laugh lightly at the statement. She needed Mina to love her back, and just as much, but that was overly impossible. "Thank you, darling. I think I need some rest, all this girlish, silly crying is quite physically taxing," Lucy poorly joked, attempting to stand and helping Mina to her feet.

Uncomfortable, Mina shuffled a few steps toward the door, her eyes on Lucy as she retreated back to her position in the bay window. She wanted to see if Lucy was going to fix herself another drink, but after a few moments, she determined her friend was too exhausted for another glass. Walking toward the door, Mina stopped just short of turning the handle. She reached around her neck, flicking the clip of her necklace. It was a cross, simple and silver, an extremely cherished gift from her mother. She was already wearing Jonathon's cross he'd given her when she proposed, and figured having two was just selfish. So, she removed her necklace, dangling it from the candle holder on Lucy's bedside table. She set it so quietly, the blonde hadn't heard, her gaze still fixated on the outside world.

Mina left the room, quietly grabbing her coat downstairs and exiting the Westenra home as fast as she could accidently bumping into a delivery boy who carried a large bouquet of red flowers. As she trudged down the street, her mind was whirling. About Lucy, about Jonathon... and wondering whom those flowers were from.

* * *

**Hi again, so thanks for reading if you made it this far. I planned on only making this a one shot and will continue with that mindset unless there's a demand for more (so, uhm, review and follow to boost my ego!). I apologize for any mistakes, I was anxious to post this. **

**By the way, for you curious cats out there, I'll give you a hint. The flowers weren't from Alastair. **

**P.S. Does anyone have any news to whether NBC will cancel _Dracula? _I've read/heard different things. :( if they do...**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello, fellow nerds! So, yes, I've decided to write more. I couldn't help it. I hope you like what I've got in store for this chapter. Heads up, I'm probably not going to follow what's been happening within the show, such as the dialogue, but might borrow some ideas later. Anyway, enough of my rambling. Enjoy & please review!**

* * *

Lucy Westenra watched as her breath drifted from her own lips toward the sky. It was freezing outside, colder than anyone could have anticipated. Usually cold for this time of year, in fact. She wrung her hands together inside the mink-lined coat she wore, shivering vigorously and wondering how she mustered up the courage to follow through with the instructions detailed to her in a card attached to a bouquet of red poppies. She had only seen red poppies given in times of memorial, popular among families whose sons have gone to fight in wars. Never had she seen someone send red poppies as just a gift. It brought out such deep curiosity that Lucy was unable to refrain from sending a letter stating she would attend Lady Jayne's invitation to tea the following evening.

It gave Lucy enough time to pull herself together. After Mina left, she crumbled again. She drank the rest of the sinful liquor, putting herself into a deep sleep. The first sleep without nightmares. Lucy expected a hangover, but was incredibly relived when she instead felt rejuvenated. She decided to eat, a bit forced, but her mother praised her for it. She bathed for a long while, and even was able to go for a walk in the park before returning home to prepare to go to Lady Jayne's. She chose to wear dark purple gown, one of her more simple outfits, feeling her usual pink was too bright for her darkened state of mind.

So, there she stood, in the biting cold waiting on the doorstep of the mysterious Lady Jayne. She was about to turn away when the door creaked open loudly, jolting her nerves slightly, a grey-haired maid gestured her inside. Lucy thanked the elderly woman as she followed her into the library. There, a small table was decorated with tea settings and little treats and fruits. Lucy gently sat on the velvet couch that faced the fireplace, a greatly decorated stone structure glowing with the warmness of fire within it. Lucy held her hands out slightly, desperate to feel the heat in front of her.

Lucy looked around the room while warming her hands. It was a fantastic room, books from the floor to the ceiling and all around. It was rare for anyone to believe Lucy to be a bright young lady, however she loved to read. Her favorite room in anyone's house was always the library. Lucy felt disappointed when no one took her seriously, their faces housed expressions of shock and surprise whenever she mentioned her reading list. In fact, the only person who didn't have this reaction usually included her parents, who bought her any book she asked for, and her dearest Mina.

The blonde was brought out of her thoughts when a light clacking sounded through the halls and enclosing on the library. Lucy turned in time to see Lady Jayne at the doorway as she entered, shutting them behind her. "Miss Westenra, it is so wonderful to see you! Thank you for coming," the older woman purred, joining Lucy on the couch. She wore a dark red dress, with little white and black pearl beading on the top. She leaned forward to kiss Lucy on each cheek, then relaxing back into her previous position.

"Thank you for the invitation, Lady Wetherby, your library is absolutely beautiful," Lucy complimented with a smile.

"Please, enough of the formalities, call me Jayne," the older woman corrected.

Lucy blushed slightly, "Then, I insist on you calling me Lucy."

"Lucy," Lady Jayne said softly, liking how it sounded on her tongue. "Yes, Lucy, I suppose you're wondering why I called you here?"

The young blonde squirmed in her seat, knowing where this conversation was headed. She just didn't expect Lady Jayne to be so forward with it. "I-I was wondering, yes."

"Well, it is a pleasure to have your company again, Lucy. I see us becoming great friends. But, I must admit to an ulterior motive," Lady Jayne confessed while fixing herself a cup of tea. "The other day, the first day I invited you for tea, we spoke about Miss Murray?" Lucy simply nodded, willing herself not to cry. It was tough enough having to deal with Mina's rejection, but even tougher having to admit it out loud to another individual. "I was wondering, if you've acted and spoken of your true feelings? To Miss Murray?"

Lucy swallowed thickly, her eyes downcast at the tea and saucer Lady Jayne had given her. Her voice shaky, she responded solemnly, "I did. An-and it did not fair well with Mina... She rejected me."

Lady Jayne sighed deeply, feeling genuinely sorry for the younger girl, but just for a moment. "Oh, dear, I'm terribly sorry. Some people are just not mature enough to understand the complexities of the human sexuality and emotion. It's horribly awful actually, those types of people just prefer to remain ignorant, and in my personal opinion, rather closed-minded and dull. Such a bore, honestly-"

"Mina's not a bore," Lucy defended weakly, willing her tears away as she drank from her tea cup.

"Oh, Lucy, I did not mean to offend. I simply meant that others are more... congruent in their ways. People like you and I, have a broader sense of what's what in the world. Our thinking is not less rational, but more revolutionary in certain aspects. It's nothing to feel burdened upon, I much prefer the company of right-brained thinkers. Far more interesting, I believe," Lady Jayne paused, sipping on her tea and deciphering the expression on Lucy's face. "My words are of minimal comfort, are they?"

Lucy's eyes shot upwards, fearing she'd offended the Lady. "No, no, your words are just new. I-I've never thought about myself in that way."

"You're different, dear, but that doesn't make you a monster. Don't treat yourself like it," Lady Jayne reminded the young girl, helping herself to a small dish of blackberries. "Now, back to Ms. Murray - unless you wish to not speak of it?"

The blonde sighed lightly, semi-reluctant to carry on with their conversation. She shrugged her shoulders, "No, I suppose it would be healthy for me to discuss what happened."

"Very good, very mature, my dear. Have you spoken since your confession?"

"Yes, yesterday, actually. It was awful."

"How so?" Jayne asked politely, offering berries to the blonde, who graciously ate them as she recanted the details of the day before. Lady Jayne listened intently, nodding her head every once in a while to encourage the younger girl. After she finished, Lady Jayne patted her hand gently. "That does sound unbearably awful."

"I just don't understand how Mina could possibly think we could maintain our friendship, after all this, it would be far too uncomfortable!" The blonde whined.

"Did you explain that to her?"

Lucy groaned slightly, "Yes, in every way I could. She kept saying how she would rather have tension between us than not have me in her life at all, and I just don't believe my heart could bear it. Especially, when her and Harker are to wed in the future. I cannot keep pretending, not like her."

"Oh, my dear. You are correct, you can't pretend. And you shouldn't. But, I must confess, I have had my own experiences with unrequited love and-"

"You have? How? You're so smart, beautiful... I couldn't imagine anyone rejecting you," Lucy flattered, a lost look on her face.

Lady Jayne couldn't help but laugh lightly, "Lucy, there will always be something you want, someone you want, and fate can be such a cruel mistress in denying us these desires. But, we must not dwell on them for long. We remember the pain, not dwell in it, but remember it, and use that memory to protect yourself in future relations. You use the pain to remind you to be your own knight in shining armor, do you understand?"

Lucy was enthralled by Jayne's wisdom. She never understood why the town gossiped about the blonde woman, for every word that flowed from her mouth offered Lucy nothing guidance and reassurance. The younger woman nodded her head in understanding, "That's what the poppies meant."

The older woman smiled graciously, and tapped her nose. "You are a quick-witted girl, love," the compliment turning Lucy's cheeks a tinted pink. Lady Jayne thought carefully for a moment before speaking once more. "Pain is never an easy horse to ride, but there are ways to tame the beast. Control it, and use it as you need. And what used to bring about lightness in my darkest times was a bit of a good time," Lady Jayne grinned teasingly. "Sweetheart, what you need is some distraction. You need to forget about Mina, Harker, all of that and just live. Wealthy women like you and I can afford to have a little fun, can't we?"

A smile tugged at Lucy's pink lips, "What do you propose?"

* * *

Mina tried focusing in Professor Van Helsing's class, but her mind kept drifting. Mostly to Lucy, but every now and then, Jonathon or even Alexander Grayson would come across her mind, torturing her really. She chewed on the end of her pencil, attempting her channel her 'concentration face' as Dr. Van Helsing spoke about the complexities of the circulatory system.

The heart.

What a strange organ it was, Mina wondered to herself. She wondered how this organ, this heart, became of such importance in a metaphorical sense. Why was it the heart that housed someone's soul? Why not the liver or the kidney? Surely those organs as just as important to the functioning of a human being as the heart. And the brain, perhaps more important. Why did humans choose the heart to be the symbol of love? There were so many words that reflected the heart's importance in the world. Heartfelt. Heartwarming. Heartthrob. Heartbeat. Heartbreak. Heartache.

All this heart thought began to ache Mina's other vital organ, her brain. If her brain was forming the thoughts surrounding her wonder at the origins of the heart, then what the hell did the heart actually do? Were feelings and thoughts so vastly different that we've somehow separated them into brain-thoughts and heart-feelings? And if that was the case, is that what they meant when they said "follow your heart"? What was Mina's heart trying to tell her?

"Miss Murray? Am I interrupting you?" Professor Van Helsing's voice boomed, tearing the brunette out of her day dreams.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Y-yes, that would be the circumflex branch of the left coronary artery that supplies left atrium and the backside of the left ventricle," Mina said smartly, not looking once at her notes.

"Ah, so you were paying attention? Good. As I was saying, the circumflex branch," Professor Van Helsing drawled on, leaving Mina to let her mind wander again. She figured, being called on once, she was safe for the rest of the lecture.

Mina finally decided upon the heart-word that she felt suited her feelings: heartbroken. She had been lying to herself the past few days since she last saw Lucy at the Westenra estate. She had drilled into her own brain-thoughts that she was fine. That everything between them would eventually, with time, return to normal. Lucy would have some sort of revelation that her feelings were just a phase, a silly crush, and eventually marry Alastair or whomever. Mina would be at the blonde's side, and desperately tried to picture herself there. But, every time Mina put herself at Lucy's side, a bridesmaid, watching as Lucy vowed her love to some man,but Mina felt her heart crack a little bit more. And it frightened her.

Why would she - why should care? Perhaps, Mina just wanted Lucy to be happy. Maybe, with a man, Lucy could never be happy and that despaired Mina ever so much. She remembered during their last conversation, admitting to wishing she could make Lucy happy. And, although being said in the heat of the moment, Mina realized she really did wish that. She wished, somehow, she could be the one to provide Lucy with the comfort, love, and affection the blonde so desired. Unfortunately, the thought of going about doing that always ended in the same conclusion. Impossibility.

Two grueling hours later, Mina sulked out of the classroom, thankful her day was finally over. With every passing moment, Lucy became a more and more prominent thought in her rushing brain. There was something she felt, something bittersweet that should couldn't name. She felt remorseful, disappointed in herself, and a lot of sadness, but on the other hand, there was a tiny bit of lightness she felt. And if she was being honest with herself, she began to think the lightness made its moment's appearance only when Lucy crossed her thoughts. _Odd_.

Unable to continue her day without hearing from Lucy, she made her way across town to the Westenra estate. She nervously waited at the front door after knocking for what seemed like a decade. Finally, the old wooden door creaked open and Marie, the maid, greeted Mina, ushering her in from the cold. "Good afternoon, Miss Murray. What can I assist you with?"

"Afternoon Marie, I just came by to see Lucy?"

"Oh, that is so kind of you. Miss Lucy is doing... so well as of lately, it is so nice to see a smile again on her face. However, she went out last night and has yet to return home." Marie replied gently, although a flash of worry transcended her features.

Mina knit her brow together. Mina was the only person Lucy actually enjoyed going out with, the blonde merely tolerated others. "Whom has she been with? Why didn't she come home?"

Marie sighed frustratingly, her hands clasped tightly together. "Well, Miss Murray, I do not permit gossip, but you are Miss Lucy's oldest, dearest friend. I am overjoyed the depression has left her... However, she has been spending time with Lady Wetherby. Do you know of her?" Mina nodded in response. "That's where our dear Lucy has been. She seems to be enjoying herself, but... Oh, well, never mind me-"

"No, please, Marie, speak your mind?" Mina pleaded gently.

Marie shifted on the balls of her feet, hoping the gossip wouldn't come back to bite her. "I don't know if I entirely trust that woman with our Lucy dear. A cousin of mine works at the Wetherby estate, and I've heard some rather odd things from her-"

"Like what?" Mina asked. Marie bit her lip in apprehension. "Marie, I promise I would say anything to anyone. And besides, if Lucy's fraternizing with persons of questionable character, then I should know. As you said, I am her oldest and dearest friend."

"I don't know of details, but there are rumors... Late nights, secretive meetings. My cousin told me the Lady keeps an entire armory in her quarters. And there are a lot of _midnight visitors, _and the likes. Things I wouldn't think a _lady _to be interested in, if you ask me."

Mina's jaw dropped just slightly. She knew the Lady Jayne was a sort of mysterious figure in their world, but that did not sound like the type of person Lucy would find company in, especially someone who was older, practically widowed, and honestly gave Mina the chills the few times she met her acquaintance. "Yes, I completely agree with you. It doesn't seem like Lucy to be around all that. Regardless-"

Marie and Mina turned when they heard the door open and slam roughly, a slightly disheveled Lucy stepping through the door. "Mina?"

"Lucy!" Mina smiled unconsciously, but then regained her posture. "I was just stopping by to check on you."

Lucy handed her coat to Marie absentmindedly, "I don't need you to check in on me." She walked past Mina, heading upstairs to her bedroom. "Marie, draw me a bath, will you? Put some of that lavender oil in it, and some tea please, I'm disgustingly thirsty!"

Mina glanced at Marie, who just sighed heavily and left to the get the bath started. Mina followed Lucy to her bedroom, determined to get details from Lucy regarding her whereabouts. She pushed open Lucy's ajar door and opened her mouth to speak but stopped short.

Lucy had torn off her dress, and was standing in her slip in front of the mirror, leaving little to the imagination. She stared at herself vainly, ignoring Mina's presence completely, which infuriated the brunette. "Lu-Lucy, I haven't seen you in days-"

"And?" Lucy replied nonchalantly, removing the pins from her messy hair, the golden curls falling down in waves down her back.

The medical student's brow knitted on her face, her eyes narrowing. "And, you're my best friend? I care about you? Especially since you've decided gallivanting around with the town's most abhorring crowd-"

The blonde spun around quickly, "Excuse me? Abhorring- To whom are you speaking about?" Lucy questioned, "Actually, you know what, I don't care. You're not my mother, you're not my...," Lucy paused momentarily, the word _lover _almost slipping from her lips. "You can't tell me what to do and whom to surround myself with."

"Why are you acting this way? Are you still inebriated from the previous night's misadventures?" Mina teased cruelly.

Lucy let out a loud sarcastic laugh. "Misadventures.. Ha, yes, Mina, something like that... Or perhaps a bit more," Lucy unconsciously lied. Truth be told, it filled Lucy's heart with glee hearing the concerned laced between Mina's somewhat harsh statements. But, the immature child in her wondered how much she could push the brunette to care; spite, confusion, and desperation forming her words.

"'A bit more?' What do you mean, a bit more?" Mina pressed on, following as Lucy disappearing into the bathroom.

Lucy sidled up to the large bathtub, the water smelling absolutely heavenly and so warm against her hand. "It's not polite to watch people bathe."

Mina groaned. "Stop changing the subject... Lucy, what have you been up to? Do I even want to know?"

"If you have to ask, then no," Lucy replied coolly, looking over her shoulder at the form that stood in her doorway. "No point in letting the water run cold," Lucy said allowed as she began to undress.

Mina felt her face flush. Yes, she and Lucy has seen each other nude on several occasions, but things were... different now. She dropped her gaze to the ground, her mouth suddenly dry. She swallowed hard, and she didn't want to recognize the surprisingly agonizing feeling she felt in her chest. A feeling that told her to look up. Only semi-reluctantly, she did, her mouth dropping slightly at the sight.

It only lasted a mere second, but Mina watched as Lucy's nude form slipped into the tub, her hands steadying her on the tub's rim. Lucy had continued to have her back towards Mina, unknowingly giving Mina a good glance at her behind. And in this moment, the brunette saw something that stood out more than Lucy's blatant nudity. A medium-sized welt, extending from her lower right hip onto the middle of her butt cheek. "What in God's name happened?" Mina shouted before she could stop herself.

Lucy, who has already descended into the tub, turned around with a confused look on her face. "Are you _mad_? Mother is napping, she will be infuriated if she hears your _loud_ _mouth_!" she scolded.

Mina marched to the tub's edge, her hands on her hips, reminding herself to only stare at Lucy's face and not the enticing form that lingered beneath the rippling water. "Stand up; you have a mark."

"I'm not standing up, I'll freeze! And besides, it's nothing. It doesn't hurt," Lucy dismissed with a wave of her hand.

"Get up."

Lucy raised her brow, the look on Mina's face was pure annoyance and frustration, but a smidgen of concern somewhere in there too. "Are you going to make me, Dr. Murray?"

"You may challenge me, Lucy, but I _know_ you will not challenge your mother and father," Mina said through tight lips. "Stand. Up."

"You don't play fair, Dr. Murray," Lucy groaned, as she kneeled in the tub. Standing wasn't required, Mina could examine the welt from this angle. "See? Nothing, not a problem-"

"How did you get this?" Mina demanded, her voice stern. She almost knew the answer, but wasn't ready to believe it. The welt wasn't just a mark. It had a pattern to it. It was a square with rounded edges, five small linear marks about two inches in length extending from the edges. It was a hand print. "Who did this?" She reached forward automatically, but before her fingers could graze the pale, smooth skin of Lucy's backside, the blonde jerked away.

"Don't touch me," Lucy spat. "I went to a tavern last night. Some of the men there had more than their fair share of liquor. Some of them... got a little on the bold side, but you should see the mark I left on him," Lucy laughed lightly. "Right between the eyes," she whispered through a smile, showing Mina her bare right hand. It had small dots of dried blood on the knuckles.

Mina could only help but laugh lightly. Lucy, despite her very proper upbringing, always held her own. In grade school, she had protected Mina against many school yard bullies, often resulting in childish fist fights. "Lucy, dear, you haven't changed since we were little."

Lucy forced a sad smile at the comment, "If only that were true, Mina."

"It is true," Mina said kindly, crouching down beside the tub. She ran her hand, tentatively, over Lucy's hand that rest on the rim of the tub. It was warm, wet, and so familiar. Mina did love Jonathon, despite his flaws, but she always knew her and Lucy had felt a special connection. A connection she had never experienced with another woman, girl, or man. She chalked it up to being the deepest, sincerest form of friendship. Now... even her own, generally sound, judgment questioned that. "You're still the brave, loyal, loving, and indescribably fun girl I met in grade school. Lucy, nothing, I mean _nothing_, could ever change that."

Lucy rolled her eyes, scoffing aloud. "Mina, stop pretending that everything is just peachy! It isn't! Things are different! We are different!"

"We don't have to be!" Mina cried out, her lip beginning to tremble. "I still care about you..."

The blonde bit her lip, uncomfortable with carrying on with this conversation while still in the bath. "Hand me my robe, please," she asked softy. The brunette did so, without words, turning her back so Lucy could step out without having to overly guard her nudity. "Mina, I appreciate your concern, but honestly, these last few days have been utterly joyful. I've been living without care, and without having to _have_ to care. I know the rumors that surround Jayne, but they aren't true, I promise that," Lucy confided (although naively). She stepped lightly over to her vanity, sitting down on the cushioned bench. She ran her hands through her damp blonde hair, the familiar hurt, empty feeling growing again in the pit of her stomach.

Mina fidgeted in the corner, unsure what to say or do. So, she said the only thing that she felt made sense. "You're my soul mate."

Lucy's heart clenched in her chest. Years ago, when they were practically children, Lucy and Mina decided they were each other's soul mates. Of course, this pact occurred before Lucy's newly developing love and was meant to be completely platonic, but regardless, it was something the two friends had always remembered, upheld and cherished. So, normally, these sweet words escaping Mina's mouth would fill Lucy's heart to the brim with warmth and love, but hearing them now felt false, like a sugar-coated lie Mina forced herself to believe in. "We know that cannot possibly be true-"

"It is true!" Mina shouted again, her face slightly pink and her eyes filled with tears. "When are you going to stop punishing me for what happened?! I'm sorry, Lucy, I'm so dreadfully sorry! There isn't a minute that passes that I don't think of you and how awfully I treated you!" Expecting Lucy to lash out, Mina paused, awaiting an answer. But, she didn't receive one. Lucy just sat still, her hands wringing together in her lap, her eyes downcast to the floor. Mina felt tears fall at the site of her poor friend, her heart ached for her. She made her way in front of Lucy, dropping to her knees in front of the blonde. "Lucy, please, look at me!"

Lucy did, reluctantly so. An overwhelming sadness cast upon her beautiful, delicate features. It broke Mina all over again. She just wanted Lucy to be happy. She wanted to see the smile on her lips, the enchanting sound of her laughter floating throughout the room. The sparkle she loved so much was disappeared from Lucy's eyes, darkness and dullness taking its place. Mina was _desperate_ to make her happy. Just confusingly, achingly desperate. Unable to string together a rational thought or verbalize a comforting sentence, Mina just reacted to what her heart begged her to do.

Lucy jolted at the feeling of Mina's lips upon her own. She felt the soft sensation of Mina's small hands on her neck and face, gently forcing Lucy to remain close. For a moment, Lucy's mind wondered how something so unbelievably, indescribably pleasant could make her feel so lost and full of despair. It was a contradiction Lucy had never thought to exist. The persistence in Mina caused her lips to press firmly and fully against the blonde's lips, and elicited a small sound from Lucy.

Mina pulled away for a tenth of a second, their lips barely touching, their contrasting eyes boring into one another's. She closed her eyes and didn't waste a moment in pressing her lips again to Lucy's with a fervor she rarely ever displayed to Jonathon. The brunette tentatively brushed her tongue against the blonde's lower lip, seeking to deepen their kiss but suddenly felt a chill as Lucy's lips left her own.

Lucy shot up, her hand over her mouth and shaking slightly. In her sudden ascent, she bumped into the kneeling Mina, knocking her over backward to the ground. The blonde could feel a fiery anger build within her. "How-how could you?!" She yelled frantically, her chest heaving.

"I-I thought-" Mina began, her own head starting to swirl. She struggled to get up from the ground, gripping onto the tub for support.

"No, you didn't think! How could you do that to me! Do you think this is a game?!" Lucy roared, completely offended, unaware of the confusion that had plagued Mina the past couple days.

The soon-to-be doctor stood, shakily, her cheeks reddened with humiliation. "I'm sorry, Lucy... I'm sorry- I-I have to- I must go-"

Lucy let out a hearty laugh, her tone laced with sarcasm and disgust. "Go ahead! Leave! It's what you do best, _darling_!" She gracefully pointed to the door, her face showing little emotion, despite her trembling figure.

Mina did as she was told, the repercussions of her act sinking further in by the second. She hastily ran downstairs, attempting to hold back any loose tears, tearing her coat from the rack and slamming the front door as she stepped through it.

Upon hearing the door slam shut, practically shaking the house as it did, Lucy collapsed to the floor. She screamed into her robe, the fabric bundled tightly between her fingers. Tears ran down her pale cheeks as sobs wracked her small frame. Countless days and nights Lucy Westenra wished to feel Mina Murray's soft, pink lips upon her own. She was so desperate for Mina's touch, her love and affection... It wasn't until this dreadful, bittersweet moment she wished she hadn't wished for any of it.

* * *

**A/N: What'dya think?! Bad? Good? Spectacular? Well, lemme know by reviewing! And following! I love that kinda thing ;)**

**Also, I hope I've made it kinda clear that Mina's slowly (and painfully) discovering some hidden feelings of her own, if ya catch my drift. She's insanely confused about her thoughts, actions, and feelings towards Lucy (now that Lucy's hanging out with a different crowd and not so prevalent in her life). Lucy is mostly just hurt, and now on the defense, overly protecting herself from her long-time friend, interested in exploring a new lifestyle. If you didn't get that vibe, then I must suck. But, if you did, then tell me whatcha think! As always, feel free to review, follow, or PM if you're bold! Until next time!**


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